Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
