Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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