the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
