hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
