I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
