it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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