Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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