i would punch a child for taco bell
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
