A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
