By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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