I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
