Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
