I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
