Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
