sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is my gift to your gina
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
