It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
