Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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