It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
