alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
