i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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