I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
