Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
