i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
