She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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