Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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