someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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