im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
