He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
