We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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