We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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