I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bring me that man meat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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