Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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