It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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