and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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