In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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