What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
