My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
