i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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