Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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