this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
