we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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