you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
