I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
