3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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