He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
