i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He did a backflip because drugs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
