You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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