Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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