Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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