Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
