i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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