Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Someone came in the potted fern
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize