operation harelip BJ is a go
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
