A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
