someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
