it wasn't lemon gatorade
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
