They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
