how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
