Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
