Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
