I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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