You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do herpes really smell.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
