You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
