There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
